Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
