How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
