so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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