my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
