The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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