your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
