so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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