I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If I had your ass I would rule the world
there is puke in my bra ... again
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
