so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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