Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
