he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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