wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I puked a lego.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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