This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
