tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
