i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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