did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
