Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
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Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
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My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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