alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
