If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
