I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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