Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
