I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
