So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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