i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
