Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
