ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
