Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
