What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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