dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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