I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
