u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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