I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
