I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
