I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
