peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
