I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
soo... how was my night?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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