This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
