I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I lost the right to judge tonight
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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