It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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