Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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