I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
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Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
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Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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