There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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