He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
