im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Randomize
