Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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