dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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