Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
