Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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