Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
