So drunk its hurt
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How does it feel to date your dad?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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