can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
