My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
