May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize