So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
