Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
