My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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