I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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