Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
