Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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