dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
