Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
