Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
